


31 What-ifs: Puckurt Drabbles

by penthea



Category: Glee
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-29 03:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penthea/pseuds/penthea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the 31 Days of Puckurt Drabbles in January challenge over at puckurt.livejournal.com.</p><p>Some connected, some not. Things that could have happened, a tiny step to the side from canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1: ATM

"Puckerman, what a surprise. I was informed that you were currently incarcerated."

He looks at Kurt like he has no idea what that means, which Kurt is pretty sure is just an act, but whatever.

"That means Schue said you stole an ATM and went to juvie."

Puck snorts. "Please."

Well. It was an unlikely story. "I guess. Something happened to this car, though."

Puck looks down, and mutters, "Yeah, something like my ma driving it through that window all by her drunk self. I'd rather people think her fuck-up of a son did something dumb again."

Kurt nods. "Okay."


	2. Day 2: Hummel Tires and Lube

Why did he say that? Maybe praying for Kurt and Mr. Hummel changed something. God's kind of a big deal, he can probably do that. Or maybe seeing Kurt in dirty coveralls, picking up the slack for his sick dad, makes him suspect Kurt knows more about the real world than Puck gave him credit for.

"So why aren't you in school?"

Puck shrugs. "They think I'm in juvie."

"This place is so fucked up."

"Tell me about it. Look, it's just what I need to do right now. Family stuff."

Kurt stares, but he doesn't tell him he's wrong.


	3. Sam

"I'm telling you, he's straight."

"You didn't seem to think so the first day, Mr. _how many balls can you fit in that mouth_. And how would you know, anyway?"

"Dude, when have I ever cracked a blowjob joke about you? I only do that to straight guys. And I just know, okay. I'm, like, a sex psychic. What do you call that homo sonar thing?"

"Gaydar, Noah. I don't think straight boys are supposed to have that."

"Yeah, well, looks like maybe yours isn't so hot either, gay boy."

Kurt doesn't understand the look on Puck's face at all.


	4. Fight Club

If there's anything there's plenty of in Lima, it's empty real estate and angry young men with time on their hands.

And maybe they don't exactly adhere to the original spirit of it, but they're Lima losers and the 90s are long gone.

In the movie the ugliness is cool and real and kind of beautiful, but in actual real life the light is wrong and the people desperately pathetic in a too familiar way he doesn't want to see but can't help seeing. It makes him itch to beat it out of them. Which is what he's there for.

 

One Friday night a curly-haired kid shows up in a dress shirt, years too young and much too pretty.

Puck asks if he can help him, and the kid looks him up and down and right back in the eye and says "yeah, looks like you probably can". Maybe not that young, after all.

The kid is all up in his space, chest to chest, close enough to see every drop of sweat on his skin.

"Don't hold back," he growls, "come on, I can take it." It's vicious and broken, and something flips inside Puck.

He hits him, hard.


	5. A listening ear

"What happened, Hummel, someone piss in your purse again?"

"That was _you_ , Noah. Thanks for reminding me what a perfect gentleman you've always been."

"What - I didn't. But I guess I could've. Sorry. I was kind of an asshole."

"You really were."

Kurt starts giving him the ice queen glare, but his heart must not be in it, because when Puck counters with puppy dog eyes, he folds immediately.

"Relax, Noah. I forgave you a long time ago, you're not the reason I'm upset, and I promise to snap out of it in time to deliver an adequate performance."

  
"Wanna tell me about it?"

Kurt looks like him like he's a little kid who won't shut up, or maybe a dog. Something really annoying and still kind of cute. Puck doesn't mind that look as much as he probably should.

"It's Blaine." He stares at his crossed knees.

"Jealous, or just pissed that he's not gay after all?"

"Oh, no, of course not, he's _bisexual_ now."

Ouch.

But, Puck reminds himself, he gets dates, and sex, and a choice about coming out. Kurt gets to be pushed around and called a girl. He bites his lip and says nothing.


	6. Spin the Bottle

The bottle stops. Kurt goes very still.

There are two main competing lines of thought in his head. They both start with "oh my god oh my god oh my god". One keeps rolling down the "what did I do shit what was I thinking" track. The other veers off towards incoherent, panting, shameful hope and desire.

There's just time to recognize and hate himself a little for both while Puck crawls across the floor.

"Hey, don't worry, I got this." Puck smirks, and Kurt is perfectly willing to let him run this show, he's the one who's taking a risk, lowering himself to touch the unclean, and Kurt should be grateful, but hate wells up in him. He resent being a charity case, or a dare. He hates that Puck is trying to impress by acting like kissing Kurt is no different from anybody else. He hates being reduced to this puddle of _want_ , when he knows perfectly well he can't have.

But then there is a warm hand cupping the back of his head, and another on his arm, holding him steady. Puck smells of boy and cheap alcohol and something else, flowery, maybe his mother's fabric softener, and oh, he is leaning in for a real kiss, not on the cheek. His lips are soft and firm and so, so different from Brittany's. Puck sucks a little on Kurt's lower lip, lets go, and Kurt gasps for breath, but Puck interrupts him with a quick, closed-mouthed peck goodbye. He strokes Kurt's cheek with his thumb, once.

"See, that wasn't so bad."

Kurt can't smile, because he _knows_ , now, he's been given the best gift ever and the worst curse. How will he hold himself together, with this inside?

And then Blaine needs him, and he just does.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, Kurt, wait!"

When he turns, Puck is shifting his weight from foot to foot. He looks nervous.

"Listen, I - I wanted to ask you something. And you can totally say no, okay? But I was wondering if you'd go out with me. Like, on a date. Dinner and a movie or something."

Kurt gapes. The only way this makes sense is as some kind of cruel joke.

"I'm serious. I didn't want to tell you because you didn't believe Blaine, but I'm way more badass than him, so if he could do it..."

Kurt keeps staring. He's seen that look before, and rolled his eyes at it, because until now he hasn't understood why it's so incredibly effective.

"Kurt. I really liked kissing you, and I'm pretty sure I'm actually bi, and in my case it's not like you could call it a copout, because you and I both know the Puckasaurus was doing just fine with the ladies. And - I'd like to do it again. So how about Friday?"

He takes in Kurt's doubtful expression.

"Look, you don't even have to tell me yes right now. Just think about it, okay?"

And, damn him, Kurt does.


	8. Coffee

  
Kurt thinks about it most of that day and the next night. He sleeps restlessly, and wakes up early, the way he always does when he's doing something important. Except the only thing he actually has to do is think about Puck, and that's not exactly time-sensitive. Or producing any kind of result as all, actually, other than jitters and frustration, so if his brain could free up some resources soon, that would be great.

And then when he gets to school, Puck is honest to God waiting for him by the dumpster, just like he used to except he's alone now. Kurt feels his body trying to revert to what it did three years ago, but his body is different now and it won't quite work.

"Planning to throw me in, Noah? For old times' sake?"

Puck looks at him with big, sad eyes.

"I know I can never make that up to you. But please let me try?"

He holds a cup of coffee out to Kurt, who doesn't reach out to take it.

"Really? You're turning down a nonfat mocha with a little bit of cinnamon?"

Kurt stops breathing a little bit.

"You know my coffee order?"


	9. Scandals

Kurt pointed over at the two guys at the bar. "Hey, isn't that..."

"Karofsky? Yes. He did say he'd been coming here a lot. Good for him."

"Not him, Blaine!", Kurt hissed. "I know that's Dave, I was talking about _Puck_."

"Oh. It must be, there can't be two of that ratty mohawk in central Ohio."

Kurt giggled. "I hope not. But what is he doing _here_?"

Blaine hesitated. "There is such a thing as a bisexual man. Or maybe he's just hanging out with Dave. It's not like they check sexual orientation at the door."

"Oh my God, can you imagine? _No, I'm afraid I can't let you in if you're not carrying your gay card. I can issue you a temporary one if you make out with the bouncer._ "

They laughed so loud that Puck and Dave turned around to see what all the noise was about, confirming that they were indeed themselves.

Puck grinned at Kurt. "Hey! Dave's trying to show me the glamorous gay lifestyle, but I think being friends with you might have given me unrealistic expectations."

Kurt laughed. "Oh, really."

"Come on. Find me one guy in here half as hot as you are."

Kurt blinked. That was new.

"Blaine doesn't count?" Of all the questions in the world, that was the one that fell out of his mouth?

"Hummel, do you really think I'd perv on your boyfriend while you're around? You're a badass. Like, a stealthy gay one."

Oh. Well, in that case. Truth be told, he had a point. Other than Blaine, Puck was probably the hottest guy in the room. By quite a distance. He tore his eyes away from Puck's chest and found that they landed on Dave.

He waved his hand in vague circles between the two of them. "So, uh, are you guys..." He really shouldn't drink, if this was what it did to his tact and eloquence.

Puck and Dave looked at each other and laughed.

"No offense, dude..."

"...but you're really not my type."

Kurt gave them a speculating glance. Finishing each other's sentences? And hadn't Puck told Finn, pointedly, that he didn't have _any girlfriend_? He'd get to the bottom of this. Later. He grabbed Blaine with his left hand and Puck's hand with his right. "Let's go dance, they're playing Robyn!"

After Blaine and Puck together pulled Dave off his chair, they did.


	10. Spies

Kurt kept doggedly going on about his designs, refusing to acknowledge how the guys were looking at him. The same way Puck would, if he hadn't seen him at the garage. He was pretty sure Kurt was playing up the feathers and glitter partially out of spite. Sure, it was an annoying fixation to pick, but Puck understood the impulse. It was like the 'hawk. The more people said it was awful, the less he wanted to shave it.

"Dude, this is going nowhere. Why don't we make ourselves useful? We could see what the Garglers are doing, or something."


	11. Spies, part 2

"Dude, _that's_ your spy outfit? I mean, it looks great on you, but you obviously know more about fashion than you do about getting away with crimes."

"Well, why don't you come up with something, then, if you're such an expert."

Puck grinned.

"I'm way ahead of you. I've already borrowed a full set of uniforms. And by borrowed, I mean stolen. This ought to fit you okay, all you need is a white shirt."

Kurt took the jacket and held it with the tips of his fingers. "These things are disgusting."

Puck shrugged. "It's your call. I'm wearing navy."


	12. Coffee,  part 2

"Hey, Kurt." Puck was holding a cup of coffee identical to the one he'd given Kurt the day before.

"Hi. Thank you. You don't have to do this, you know."

"Sure I do. I'm trying to get you to go out with me, aren't I? And I want to do this right."

Kurt looked at him. "Yes. The answer is yes. On one condition."

Puck's smirk widened into a real grin.

"Wait, what condition?"

Kurt set his jaw. "You kiss me first. Sober. If you still think you're bi after that, I'll do it."

"Babe, I thought you'd never ask."


	13. Coffee, part 3, or how Kurt Hummel learned to believe in bisexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of chapter 13, I've given up on of keeping these to even a multiple of 100 words, so I guess they'd more properly be called ficlets. I'm keeping the name, though, since the event is called a drabble fest (and most people don't bother being pedantic about this anymore, anyway. I guess I'm just old school.)

Puck moved in closer. Kurt backed up a little.

"Hey, didn't you just ask for a kiss? Changed your mind already?"

Kurt forced himself to stop. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. He'd just wanted to do Puck a favor and let him get this sexual identity crisis or whatever it was over with. It had worked for Blaine, so why not Puck? And where else would he find a guy to make out with in Lima? Kurt was doing him a huge favor, really, so he didn't have to act all smug about it.

He tilted his head towards Puck and raised an eyebrow. "Right here? You're not at all worried about the consequences of kissing a guy in public, at _school_?"

Puck shrugged. "Dude, the Puckasaurus doesn't sneak around. If I want someone, I'll own it. Anything else is just weak."

Kurt swallowed. "Then let's do this."

It was just as soft and warm and amazing as he remembered from Rachel's party. And what was worse, Puck seemed to agree, making little noises into Kurt's mouth and grabbing the back of his head. There was a little voice in his head shrieking _Puck, my hair_ , but it stayed in there because his mouth was obviously still occupied. It was okay, he had everything he needed to fix it in his bag.

Puck pulled away with a wet little sound, but not very far, Kurt could still feel his breath on his lips. One, two, three. "Yeah," Puck whispered. "Definitely still bi." He straightened up, taking him further away than Kurt would have liked, and smiled. "I guess there is the possibility that you might have turned me gay, but I don't think so. Want me to go get Rachel so we can check?"

Kurt had a moment of panic before he decided that Puck wasn't serious. Probably. Better not to risk it.

"No, that's really not necessary, I think I'll take your word for it." Puck smiled at him, and he found himself grinning back. This really hadn't gone according to plan. He really didn't mind. "So. Friday?"


	14. Controlled danger

  
Puck caught him by his locker between classes, in a corner on his way to lunch, outside the door before Kurt got to the parking lot. He’d move in from the back or the side, catching Kurt in his strong arms in such a way that he couldn’t protest, couldn’t tell him to wait and that they hadn’t even started dating yet, couldn’t do anything except melt into Puck and let himself be kissed.

It was aggravating. He was so aware, always, of the people around him, of safe spaces and sort of safe spaces but not really and _if gay, please be sure to wear protective gear at all times_ areas like the McKinley hallways. And then Puck just came crashing in and didn’t give a fuck, and Kurt couldn't even make himself care.

Of course, he thought Puck’s little attacks might be a little less random than they were meant to look, because they never seemed to happen when the wrong people were around. And maybe, just maybe, he was starting to trust Puck to make that call.


	15. Matchmaker

“No, Kurt. I want to know what the hell you were thinking, because setting me up with that woman really doesn’t display a whole lot of good judgment on your part.”

Kurt looked at his dad, unable to formulate an answer. Burt scratched the back of his neck.

“I gotta tell you, son, I know she’s your friend’s mom and I guess maybe I’ve taken my policy too far of not being unkind about your friends’ parents, because that lady, Kurt? She’s pretty badly damaged goods. I guess I wonder what that says you think of your old dad.”

Kurt mumbled something inaudible.

“What was that?”

He tried again, a little louder.

“You - I’m not gonna make you say it again because I can see why you’re ashamed, and I know you’re teenage boy and God knows those can be thick, but do you realize how downright ridiculous that is? You think you were gonna achieve anything with practically making this guy your half brother. Jesus.” Burt sighed, overwhelmed with the stupidity of hormonal teenage boys. He didn’t know why he’d thought Kurt would be different. Holding out hope for some kind of silver lining, maybe.

“Listen, if you want something then you gotta find a way to ask. Politely. Do you think I ever thought I had a chance with your mother? No. But I found out she was single and I asked her out anyway, and someone must have been on my team that day because she said yes.”

He looked at Kurt. He was a good kid.

“So if you want my advice, which I know you probably don’t, but tough luck, you’re getting it anyway - you need to figure out if this Puckerman kid is interested in boys at all, and if the answer is yes, you ask him out. Simple as that.”

Burt nodded to himself, Kurt speechlessly mirrored the gesture.

“Okay, good. Now let’s eat.”


	16. Spies, part 3

"So I have to ask...are you guys all gay? _Puck_!"

 

And now he looked like an idiot in front of these guys, because Puck was sitting there pretending like he hadn't just kicked his leg.

 

"Um, no." No, of course. Kurt never learned, did he. Then their gorgeous soloist - Blaine? - continued. "Just me. These guys have girlfriends." His eyes moved from Kurt, to Puck, and back to Kurt. Puck broke in. "Sorry about him. No manners."

 

Kurt watched the world slow down to half speed as the guy gave Puck a flawlessly polite, sympathetic prep school smile. "Boyfriend?"

 


End file.
